I had had it last week.
I'll confess that I'm not a great Stay-at-Home sort of mom. I'm much better on the road and after pressing in hard in October, I was ready to run away.
I'm pretty sure that term gets a bad rap. Should we always live in the world in our heads? No, that wouldn't be good. But also? That isn't possible.
The sheer ache of the mundane picks away at our hearts whether we want it to or not. Walking through a broken world isn't a choice. And yet, we charge forward anyway. Shredded from bumping the sharp edges. Burned from tripping into the fire. Exhausted from bodies not able to bear the weight and the speed.
Listen, lest it sound like I was super spiritual, you should know I was in my best whiney voice screaming, "I need out of here!!!" (I am clearly an apex of maturity.)
I suspect we are all feeling it particularly this week. Has the world ever felt so broken as at a time like this? Have we ever needed an out so bad?
But as I breathed deeply the mountain air, I kept wondering what exactly it is about getting away that brings such sweet relief?
Is escaping really ever an answer? Is running away ever right?
God has told his people, "Here is a place of rest; let the weary rest here. This is a place of quiet rest." But they would not listen. Isaiah 28:12
Yeah, I'm one of those people. I want to fix it. Sand down the rough edges. Smother the fire. Unpack every ounce of weight.
But reading through Isaiah has reminded me over and over again that I just can't do it. I can't un-break this creation. Heck, I can't even unbreak myself.
All I can do is take a break. Run away to rest.
Over and over again when the world is in political and social upheaval God sends His prophets not to provide a fix, but to provide a future hope. A place to fix their eyes.
I will lift my eyes up to the mountain, where will my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1
Yes we need to press in. We need to work hard and get our hands dirty. We need to bear the pain of the sharp edges, the sting of the fire, and the weight of the world.
But when it's spinning out of control in front of our eyes and the world feels bigger than we can bear we need to rest. Only in rest can we refocus. Only in rest can we stop trying to fix and fix our eyes on the only one who can fix it all.
I escaped only to find rescue. Maybe it's just the tedium of daily life. Maybe it's the pain of relationship. Maybe it's the global grip of anxiety. But whatever it is? If it's gotten bigger than God, it's time to get away.
Get away to a nice long bath. A coffee shop. The mountains.
Go ahead. Because this isn't escaping reality, it's a reminder of a bigger reality.