I guess after my last post it's time to surrender to the changing season. Which means everything is shifting back in to high gear. Sign up's for school activities and sports, a new quarter goals to meet, and, gratefully, a feeling of freshness that comes with the gust of wind that blows fall in.
I kinda love it. And I kinda hate it.
Somewhere in the "hate it" mode I picked a fight. I can't even remember what about, obviously that wasn't very important. I could already feel myself stretching too thin. Life has brought so many opportunities to our doorstep in the last couple of years, and here is the thing, we had no bad choices. Everything laid before us was good, beautiful, and exciting.
So we grabbed at each one as they popped up. Full hearts. Yes. And also, full hands. And still more? A full calendar.
But all that fullness, was causing some emptiness in some other places.
Full conversations between Russ and me were dwindling. Full thoughts were shrinking. Full joy was dissipating, desperate for quantity of input and mass of experience. Blessings had become burdens. We had traded community for opportunity. We felt pulled in twelve directions.
So, you know, I picked a fight. And we both engaged.
Because sometimes it's seems easier to fight something on the outside so we don't have to wrestle with our own souls. But, of course, that's what the first story was about right?
Not that Eve couldn't fight the monster on the outside whispering, "Is it really enough, though?" but that it's much harder to fight the monster on the inside when it agrees, "No, probably not."
So we sat down a wrote a list. Slowly at first.
Our house. Our money. Parenting. Homeschooling. Church. Ministry. Sports. Writing. Dinner. Breakfast. Clothes. Phones. Internet. Television. Books. Classes. Bible Studies. Work. Vacations. Time off. Spare time. Weekends. Politics. Social Justice.
It started coming faster. And what ended up on that paper? Was everything.
A list. An offering.
Not just a surrendering of sin, but an offering of opportunity. Because sometimes it's harder to give an offering than to take another opportunity.
We wrote it all down and then started systematically praying through it all. Giving it back to the God who gave it all to us in the first place. Not just asking what we should do with it, but asking if we should have it at all. We're trying not to give God options about what we think we could do with it, but genuinely offer every aspect of every element back up to God.
I wish I could tell you we have had revelations and answers as clear as angels singing in heavenly choirs, but we haven't. Instead the rhythm of the prayer has set our feet to the rhythm of the path that leads in only one direction.
"It started when God said, “Light up the darkness!” and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful." 2 Corinthians 4:6 MSG
While we are waiting. We are walking. The twelve different directions that were yanking us apart have slowly started to dissipate into a glorious tug in one direction. Walk toward Jesus.
What do we have to offer Jesus? The same thing He offered for us, all of Himself. So I'm wondering, what would your list look like? What is pulling on you these days?