Let me start this by saying this post is NOT about clear doctrinal truths. This is a post about personal God given convictions and being in different places in our walks with Jesus. I am struggling to fit in my own skin lately. I am learning to deal with God given heartfelt convictions while keeping my finger off the hair trigger of defensiveness. Or worse, keeping others off of their defensiveness triggers.
God is cleaning us out right now. Majorly. He is calling us to live a radically counter-culture life in our family. That's hard enough to do just inside this home. But throw the fact that life in general bumps us up against people, and well things get really hard. I'm learning my role as mommy, aka protector and defender of the innocent lives I've been given charge of, is going to require and tougher exoskeleton than I've previously had.
Why? For one, I want to get defensive. I want explain every choice and I want to argue with people that accuse me of being overprotective or unreasonable. I bow up when people tell me I'll relax as time goes on. I don't want to relax the truths God has given us for our lives. Some might call that backsliding. I want to fight and voice my frustrations. I don't thought...
Because I've realized secondly that it just makes people defensive. I've learned mostly to keep my convictions and our family choices to ourselves. Of course that's not always possible. The problem is sometimes I have to say "no." "No, we can't go there," "No, Lily can't come over,""No we don't want that environment for our family." I side step as much as possible because i don't want to isolate people; because what I've seen is sharing our convictions makes people think we are judging them.
And oh we are sooooooo not. We get it. It's really hard to just walk your walk. Much less try to walk someone else's as well. I understand that we all have different convictions, different callings, and different areas the Lord has us working on...that's what is so beautiful about the body of Christ!!!
I feel called to protect the purity of heart, mind, body, and soul of my family. So, yeah, I'm overprotective and my kids will be sheltered. I feel called to advocate for orphans, widows, and adoptions. So, yeah, I'm going to tell you about it. Those are mine. You don't have to care. I'm not judging. You just have to care about your God given heart.
I read the other day about a woman who felt convicted about sleeveless shirts and high heels. I can tell you unequivocally that while I do feel called to dress modestly and stop obsessing over my clothes (full disclosure: I'm failing) I don't in any way feel those specific callings. I don't doubt she does. I just don't, and I don't feel judged because of the choices she has been called to make. Comprendè?
I'm really just working this all out as I'm writing it. It's part of the reason I write. I'm all up for Godly counsel. So tell me how do you deal when what your called to do makes others uncomfortable?