All week I've been reading uplifting blog post regarding Holy Week. Like this one at It's Almost Naptime that particularly moved me. This will not be one of those posts. You see it's 8:20 on Easter Sunday and I still don't feel like I have much to write about Easter, but I do have some things to say about this week. So if your looking for uplifting I can't help you, but if you are human and need to know your not the only one that struggles, you're in the right place.
You see something happened on Palm Sunday. Russ and I are heavily involved in a college ministry that for all practical purposes was four days old on Palm Sunday, and it was on that morning that Russ had a sit down talk with a member of our leadership team that was having to step down because of a major mistake. Because of sin. It didn't directly involve me or my family. It shouldn't have directly affected me, but of course, it did. I was shaken; I am shaken.
It's funny how sin can do that, even when it wasn't my particular sin (and please know that I have more then I am able to count), it caused more sin. The mistake another person made caused me to stumble. Maybe not in a big, earth shattering way, but in a little nitpicky way that chipped away at my relationship with Jesus.
It caused me to fear.
It caused me to fear something I have Never Feared before, which is pretty amazing considering some of the things I have gone through and watch my loved ones go through. It robbed me of my joy this week. It was the earthquake that cause the tidal wave of fear because of the things I've seen happen. To an extent, loss of naivety can be good, it gives you an opportunity to pray more specifically, and put up safeguards in your life. This
wasn't isn't the kind of fear I'm experiencing.
Here is the part that I would love to tell you that I spent our Wednesday service in prayer and Jesus overwhelmed me with peace, Thursday night college ministry soothed my fears, or Friday night communion and prayer time I was able to surrender it all away. I would love to say at our awesome Easter morning service washed it away or the fact I was reading Joshua this week was just the miracle I needed. I can't do that though.
I'm better than I was, but I can't go back to where I was before. My Jesus and me? We are still working on the victory over this one. This battle? It could be a long hard one for me.
Fortunately, I know I'm fighting a winning battle. Not only do I have my King on my side I also have an amazing body of Christ to help me and a husband that is fierce about Jesus and his family.
The best I can do now is ask for your prayers. Because a lot of you? Are that body, and Praise Jesus for that!