A few months ago I posted about my life as a failure and you rallied around me.
I often feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm thirty year old mom of five young kids with the heart of preacher. What's a girl to do?
Well. I did the checklist I was given. I followed the Steps to Successful Platform Building and How to Find Your Niche.
Yeah. A Niche. The thing you can become the go-to person for. Adoption? Homeschool? Motherhood? Marriage? Faith? Frugal Living?
When I sat down to think about what that was, I knew more than anything I wanted to talk about Jesus. So I followed the rules. Only to find that, as usual, the rules don't fit me quite right.
The problem with being the go-to person on anything is that it makes you less of a person and more of a personality. It creates a by-line description for an entire human being. There isn't anything wrong with niched blogs and social media, heaven knows I love/subscribe/follow plenty of them, but I suddenly found myself dry and striving.
But Jesus. He was a Person. Jesus was the Word that gave form to all of our unseen beliefs. And by that very virtue there is nothing about my person-hood that knowing Him hasn't touched. His Spirit is living and moving in me and through me all day long. I can't talk about my faith without my life and I can't talk about my life without it touching my faith.
I hesitated to write this because it seemed like maybe it was just a personal problem. It isn't. The more I reflected, the more I realized that this isn't the first time I've stumbled over this particular stone.
It's tempting isn't it?
To be the funny one.
To be the wild one.
To be the encourager.
To be the gentle one.
To create a personality on which people can depend so that we don't have to deal with all the messy stuff that doesn't fit the mold. A personality so that people know what to expect. A personality so that we don't make anyone uncomfortable. A personality that that lays a glossy sheen over all the messy underneath.
But the person of the Spirit is living in us. At the risk of sounding absolutely cheese-ball, diamonds are faceted for a reason, so they can shine. When we fall into the temptation to create a personality instead of embracing the struggle of person-hood we create a single faceted life that can't shine at any angle the Light hits.
Y'all. I think it matters that you know that I don't just care about being a part of the church, but also that my younger son actually mooned my older son in front of our church a few weeks ago.
I think you have right to know that last week I actually sat for three extra minutes in a public bathroom in a gas station to listen to a random 90's song when you read profound words about immigration or race relations.
When I say that I believe Jesus shines in the moments we trip up, I believe it. I believe He can shine in our creativity. I believe He can shine when we burst out laughing because our daughter popped a squat in a public place…again. (It may or may not have been at church. We clearly have issues. Pray for us.)
I told you when you want someone to take a risk on you, you should Go First.
So on that note, I share with you a Haiku: (I'll just assume that you can see Jesus shining through this.)
My car smells like pee
The pee smell won't go away.
Minivans. The best.
You're welcome. Have a blessed day.