Last night after the Bug went to bed hubs and I had to talk about some things happening in our lives and in our hearts. We had I sit down and hash out a very unsure future. We have no answers. We can't see the next step in front of us. We are walking by faith and not by sight. We ended our little chat with a time of prayer and worship of the Lord. I felt words of praise, Joyful words, flowing out of my mouth. I couldn't believe I could be so joyful facing such hard questions.
I don't tell you this to be sanctimonious or self righteous but to let you know that we prayed out of discipline. We worshiped because we knew it was the right thing to do, something I have neglected to do many times. We had no idea God would bring us joy in that time.
Too many times when God gives us a miraculous blessing I feel deep hurt that I did not count it all joy. That I did not choose to be thankful, trusting, or joyful until the blessing came. I share this with you do that you will know TODAY? Wasn't that day.
We received a letter from Show Hope, an adoption grant foundation, with a life changing announcement of a grant to cover some of our adoption expenses!
I want you to know that my joy was not mixed with hurt this time. Because I was joyful in my fear, because I trusted in a moment of insecurity, God is allowing me to fully understand the abundance of His blessing. I am able to bask in His glory without marring it with my shame.
I want this more often. I want to feel His abundance because I chose obedience first. Lord thank you for opening my eyes to how this feels! Lord please help me to rejoice in You always. I mean really. ALWAYS. Amen!
*Cue Gospel Choir complete with robes and hands up dancing*