Survival may have seemed like a strong word for this little series. It's not. You suffer. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. Emotionally. You don't suffer alone though. My husband and I did okay with Lily. I toughed it out and he helped, but we were a childless couple that weren't on much of a budget. It was easy...ish.
Then with Ava things got exponentially more difficult. We had a child to care for, Russ's job was in a demanding season, and I was still working part time. I'm not afraid to admit that there were times I thought we were going to crumble. There were times I wanted to scream and I'm sure there were times he just wanted to walk out the door and not have to deal with everything.
That's what you have to do when your wife is confined to her bed on an IV drip. You have to deal with everything.
I missed moments with my daughter. She learned to pull up on the side of a bathtub while mommy was sick. She got clingy and cried when we had to leave each other.
It was really stinking hard.
In December when Russ and I stared down at that positive test I sobbed and he prayed.
Hear me: I LOVE babies. I even love and adore that newborn stage that makes most women want to scream. Probably because it is such a relief to have a baby and not a pregnancy.
A positive pregnancy test is a terrifying thing for people like me. And now we have two babies two and under. And an adoption. And Russ has a full time job AND college ministry.
How? How? How?
Please hear me when I say it started earlier and has been stronger with Baby J than it was with the other two. I almost hadn't imagined that was possible.
What you should know now though, is I am humbled.
God has blessed me with a husband whose light turned on. He gets it. In a way he distinctly didn't with the other two. I have a mom and a mother-in-law close by to help. I finally got desperate enough to beg my new doctor to do something to help me get through this. I needed him to understand that chasing a disease and hoping we make it through this time wasn't enough. We needed a plan.
I now have home healthcare out twice a week to load me up on fluids. I take a Phenergan before bed so that I can get some rest and a Zofran in the morning so that I can lift my head.
I'm still surviving only on Doritos, Sour Patch Kids, and Dr. Pepper. That drives a health nut like me, that was so self righteous as to not let white flour cross my threshold much less candy, beyond insane. I still have bad nights and some bad days all strung together.
But by the grace of God I'm not in the hospital. By the grace of God my village has risen up to care for my family. By the grace of God I get to have another sweet baby.
And that's worth all the "morning sickness" in the world.