"MooooOOOOoooooommmmm, I'm coming. I had a really big poop." Yeah. This job is glamorous.
This mom thing is not for the faint of heart. This adoptive mom thing...well, it throws more hurdles than I ever could have imagined jumping in my race.
Because of all the things people tell you about adoption, no one ever mentions the awkward.
They don't tell you about how it will feel for someone to hand an almost-five-year-old and three year old over to you and instruct those kids to call you mama.
I mean you just met them. There aren't any tiny feet or sweet little cries. They are covered in dirt and they look terrified. Because why wouldn't they be...
The person they know best in the world, just told them to call you mama. You. The stranger. The untested one.
But they do. And you do too.
You take their hand and you walk the road. You try to figure out what is appropriate and what is just scary. You navigate murky waters of being the new authority in their life with no real authority as far as they are concerned. And you go from awkwardly bumping into corners to slamming against walls.
It goes from awkward to hard. From hard to devastating.
"I wanna go back mama!"
And over and over again you turn your eyes to heaven, and just keep running.
And they keep calling you mama. Because someone told them to.
Because you keep telling them that is what you are.
I'm your mom.
And for awhile there, nobody is really buying it. Not them. Not you.
But you keep running. You get further along and the dust settles. The air starts to clear.
"Night, night mama. I love you."
And you both believe it. Because somewhere along the way. Something changes.
"He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit" Romans 3:5