I wish I was more eloquent in my writing, I wish I had the words to truly express my recent experience with you, but the fact is I'm not. It's why I write about the mundane, trivial things in our life. But every once in awhile something needs to be shared. This is one if those times, so hang in there with me. The title is unexpected blessings, but I don't think the blessing should have been unexpected (undeserved for sure, just not unexpected). You see I mentioned this week that we were waiting on some financial provision for our adoption. As many of you know and the rest of you could probably guess international adoption has a significant monetary cost and we do not have significant stores of money. We know without a doubt that we are doing what the Lord has called us to do, and that He will provide. So we have been praying.
Our next payment is due April 1st, a while two weeks away and the money was no where to be found. I was praying like crazy, but in the spirit of true confession I wasn't praying with any real belief. I was talking the talk with an empty heart. In fact I would sit down and beg God to provide and then get right up and fret about how I should come up with it.
The money came Wednesday night. Without my help. AT.ALL. Very good friends of ours at church approached Russ and told him that they felt the Lord calling them to give us a financial gift and insisted that Russ take it (very much against his initial desire), so Russ took the folded check and put it in his pocket. When I joined him after putting Lily in the nursery he told me what happened and handed me the folded check, as I unfolded with both of us together I lost my breath. I felt my throat constricting (in fact it is now as I write this) The money they had felt led to give is THE EXACT AMOUNT we have due.
*I'll just let you GLORY IN GOD over that for a minute.
My heart broke at that moment. I was broken because of my own unfaithfulness. Shamed by the faithful obedience of His servants. I cried a very ugly cry. And just as quickly as He broke me, He healed me. My heart flowed with Praise and Adoration. He choose to provide despite my disbelief. He saw my heart was untrue and choose to show me that His promises are always true.
"If we believe not, yet he stays faithful: he cannot deny himself." 2 Timothy 2:13